Glad you are not Blonde?

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades.  She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"  The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly towards her.  With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.  Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.  The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.  Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out .

          "SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a  gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.  She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in  the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely  if  he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together, Just yesterday you take away my license and then  today you expect me to  show it to you!"

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts  back,  "You ARE on the other side."

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that  her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."  The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.

She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the  wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on  his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER! "  "NO!" the  blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian  said, "We were the first into space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on  the  sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the  Russian.  

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going  at  night!"

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She  rolled the dice and she landed=on Science & Nature. Her  question  was,  "If you are in a vacuum and  someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

WATCH DOGS
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and  asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one  was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOO......," answered the blond.

"They're watch dogs”

NEW WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo"? (I told him). "It's been a year"!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore